Friday, February 20, 2004

Welcome to Laura Bush's Guide to Republican Glamour!

Welcome to Laura Bush's Guide to Republican Glamour!

I have always been intrigued by high-ranking Republican Women and their ongoing quest for androgynous unattractiveness (I say high-ranking because although Ann Coulter knows how to dress she is a low grade harpy media whore with all the subtle grace of a Hooters waitress). Here's a sight dedicated to Laura Bush's stylin' blazer and Dorothy Hammil-hair glory.

I have to say that the male Repubs also have a certain distinctive style, particularly when it comes to hair. Imagine if Reagan had the little George Clooney "caesar" instead of his steely "Yes as a matter of fact, I did do B-rate '50s films and have the hair to prove it" hair.

Rumsfeld has the same kind of idea- sharp "Captain of Industry" hair that says "Welfare is for Communists!"

But I have got to say that one of my favorite sites this week is the Donald Rumsfeld Fighting Techniques page. Before reading, you'd do well to run to the bathroom. This could cause your "regime" to start to "lose control" are Rummy is so fond of saying.

Wednesday, February 18, 2004

General asshats
Circle I Limbo

Circle II Whirling in a Dark & Stormy Wind

50 year old women and their late-in-life babies who wear matching Juicy Couture outfits
Circle III Mud, Rain, Cold, Hail & Snow

Oakland Raider Fans
Circle IV Rolling Weights

Militant Vegans
Circle V Stuck in Mud, Mangled

River Styx

NAMBLA Members
Circle VI Buried for Eternity

River Phlegyas

George Bush
Circle VII Burning Sands

Osama bin Laden
Circle IIX Immersed in Excrement

Circle IX Frozen in Ice

Design your own hell

Adam Sandler, Tweens
Circle I Limbo

Katy Couric
Circle II Whirling in a Dark & Stormy Wind

That German Cannibal Guy
Circle III Mud, Rain, Cold, Hail & Snow

L'il Kim
Circle IV Rolling Weights

The guy who wrote "Left Behind"
Circle V Stuck in Mud, Mangled

River Styx

My High School Swim Coach, J.Lo
Circle VI Buried for Eternity

River Phlegyas

The Colorado Buffaloes Football Team, Pat Buchanan
Circle VII Burning Sands

Paul Wolfowitz
Circle IIX Immersed in Excrement

Karl Rove, Kim Jong Il
Circle IX Frozen in Ice

Design your own hell

Not sure this will work, but I have to love the notion of building one's own Dantean hell.

Check it out.

Thursday, February 12, 2004

Imminently Bloggable

Help Me, Bubby!
This is a cool blog- one I've just noticed today. It's an advice column, essentially, where people ask the imaginary Jewish grandma for advice on anything from how to subtly suggest to a boyfriend that he needs to dress differently to a plea for reassurance that Bush will be defeated in 2004.

My grandma doesn't offer such reassurance . . . nor does she really give a lot of advice. It's not really her style. And fine- if she doesn't have a desire to be that kind of grandma, that's her prerogative, I suppose.

But it seems that many people are missing that advice-giving element of their lives. The Straight Guys on Queer Eye never seemed to have had a Dad to tell them how to shave with the grain or treat a lady. Women turn to Doctor Phil rather than their mothers or fathers for advice and assurance. We are a nation of the unadvised.

Except me. I get more advice than I care for, sometimes.

I got the job, like I said, then I got a call from McClain Finlon. Was I still interested? In the seconds I had to make this decision, it all flashed in front of me: a life in advertising. Money, but writing defined by the boundaries of what sells. If I got into writing. A good 9 months or so, possibly a year, would lapse before I'd be trained on writing anything. The constant diminishing of the possiblity to ever return to writing from the heart, or at least, writing from an unbiased uncommissioned point of view. A future writing jingles, clever slogans, dialogue for oven mitts?

No, I said. I've taken a position elsewhere.

For peanuts. But I didn't say that. I can live on peanuts. I've done it before. I'm actually pretty good at it. I'm not going to be getting a Porsche anytime soon, but if I was working in advertising and had a Porsche, I don't think the balance would even out. Money has never made me very happy . . . and if I can survive, and maybe have a little extra for a pair of shoes (not like I need them) every month or so, all the better.

I'm fortunate enough that I'm the only person who needs to live off of what I make, so I can afford to make decisions like this, decisions that mean upping my quality of life but lowering, if you will, my quantity in life.

I can live with that.

Tuesday, February 10, 2004 Monkey Puppet Monkey Puppet

This was recommended to me by How does their computer know that I like monkey puppets based on the fact that I have checked out Bertolucci films, hispanic literature, techno music and MST3K videos? Weird . . .

the unbearable lightness of blogging

I have a new job. Woo!

The Times-Call came through with an offer that I probably could have refused . . . if I wanted to spend the rest of my life thinking in terms of "messaging" "paradigms" and "proactivity." Bleh.

I'll start the 23rd. I'm in bliss . . .

The insecurity is much easier to fight off now, particularly after Katie told me that she "probably could have used me here forever"- which doesn't sound nice, but in the context, it made me smile.

So, much to do before I head off. Gotta go.

Here's to new horizons.

Monday, February 09, 2004

New Links!

Just a heads up. I got an interesting note from my dad that had a summary of the reaction to Bush's Meet The Press appearance from both sides- pro, con, neo-con, left, web and print. The general consensus? At his best, the President barely handles himself on camera, conveying a nervous, fearful, evasive on-screen persona. Is this because he has so much to hide?

What I want more than anything right now is to go get ice cream with my sister. She'd know what to say.

Today's forecast: Mild Frustration With the Chance of Escalation to Blind Rage

When I was in retail, I'd go to work, pretty much without complaint. I put up with the bus rides, the constant standing, the difficult customers, but at it's worst, it was pretty tolerable. My validity as a human being was rarely (if ever) called into any real question, my self-worth remained basically stable, and I got to come back to the job after three weeks in Europe. It wasn't a career, but it was a good job.

And now, this job, that I was tricked into thinking was both a good job and a career, is turning out to be a horrible job and a possible killer for any future I might have hoped to have doing something else. It has moved well past the "tolerable but with typical, predictable bumps-in-the-road" to a stage that I call "recurrent, exponentially-more-painful-every-day living nightmare." It's not like I'm being tortured or that I have to exist under sunburning flourescent lights or I sit inches from my coworkers while oppressive motivational slogans are broadcast over a dental-drill-frequency loudspeaker or anything. But all the same, it's a recurring nightmare where I am doing my best . . . and everyday someone comes to me to tell me that what I am doing is not right. It might have been right yesterday. Or last Tuesday. Or during the full moon . . . but today, IBM has sent a memo to everyone in its grasp but me, to make sure that everyone but me knows that I am doing my job very wrong . . . today.

The insecurity this brings has seeped into every facet of my life. I second-guess every social step I make to the point of obsession. Everything I accomplish comes with the doubt that I have actually done it wrong and eventually someone is going to see that, and my value as a person will be diminished again.

I'm sure it is sabotaging my job interviews. I have this doubt of even my own basic capabilities that I'm sure comes through in my answers to their questions. I miss the days when I blissfully made mistakes and MOVED ON past them . . . when I didn't see each misstep as proof that I am incompetent and not worth anyone's trouble. I used to have confidence- I used to be okay with my own reassurance. But now, I have this cloud of doubt over my head that causes me to constantly wonder- WHAT am I unwittingly screwing up RIGHT NOW?

Sorry to vent- it feels better to put this down into digital words, even if it doesn't really reach anyone who can actually help me move past this. I think the main conclusion I can make is that I need to make a change of some kind PRONTO. I need to get back on track with one of those good jobs like what I had before, where each mistake helps me learn something rather than makes me feel like a failure. I know life's too short to feel like this- it's like an abusive relationship. I need to get out before it gets to me too much. Maybe I needed a bit of taking-down after Coe telling me the world was my oyster for two years straight. But it's too much to have this doubt creep into everything I do.

Here's to moving on.

Thursday, February 05, 2004

Angry Trekkies- less appealing than the cheerful ones. Which is saying something.

LILEKS (James) The Bleat

Apparently Patrick Stewart has his shiny, domelike head on straight. He agrees, as most people would, I imagine, that manned space travel, and, well, a lot of space travel right now, does not merit priority over oh, say, prying into the notion that we went to war under false and inflated assumptions. Good for him. However, Lileks gets into a foamy, wheezy angry screed about it, saying that if Stewart had been there when the English Navy was first constructed, he'd be retying the tethers saying the money could be better spent elsewhere. Well, I'd actually have been okay with that because I'm a heavy proponent of the notion that this nation would be much better had it been settled by some other culture not so tied up with Puritanical notions of fundamentalist Christianity. But that's another matter. Bottom line- Lileks is beet-red pissed because his favorite fictional character does not advocate hugely expensive NASA missions at this point in time.

But that's not all. Proof that Lileks has seriously lost his lutefisk:
I’m waiting for an ad that simply puts the matter plainly: who do you think Al Qaeda wants to win the election? Who do you think will make Syria relax? Who do you think Hezbollah worries about more? Who would Iran want to deal with when it comes to its nuclear program – Cowboy Bush or “Send in the bribed French inspectors” Kerry? Which candidate would our enemies prefer?

Uh, well, seeing how "well" the whole Cowboy Bush thing has worked to both aggravate and alienate our friends AND enemies, I doubt that a whole lot of either really want to see him continue to be in power. And well, we can just let the "bribed French inspectors" thing go, because it is kinda funny- makes me think of Clusoe going into Iraq. However, this points at just how black and white Lileksland is. Us is good. They's bad. They being just about anyone who has the common sense to disagree with the Shrubster. Oh, and here's a good one:

Oh, more thing. Let’s say President Kerry would be forced to act against North Korea, because we caught them shipping nukes to a terrorist organization, and once we got there we uncovered all the torture camps and poison-gas human experiment labs. Let’s say his administration had several retreads from the Clinton era. Do you think we’d see this image below on Democratic Underground message boards?

(insert image of Albright sharing champagne with Kim Jong Il)
This "more thing" illustrates Lileks' misguided notion that Democrats (or pretty much anyone who's not G-dub and the Notorious GOP) are impotent in the face of situations like this. I am pretty sure that if we actually did find "all the torture camps and poison-gas human experiment labs" that most people would probably be in favor of getting our regime change on. But lest we forget, the photo in question shows just how true the old adage is: Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer. Bush has pushed both away to the point of irrevoccable loss. We do not know our enemy, and we do not know our allies. Good job, Bushie. And further, Clinton resolved much of the turmoil in the Koreas in the 90s- peacefully. Of course, most of that got seriously mucked up due to the unfortunate "axis of evil" remark. I am fairly confident that if Kerry was "forced to act" against North Korea, it would be done a little differently than this last farce.
All I have left to say, is that if the will of this people, this America, does not lead to a change in leadership . . . I will definitely have to leave for a while. Possibly forever. If the true popular opinion of this nation is to keep a man in office who has lied to them while smirking like an aroused chimpanzee, I want nothing further to do with it.

Monday, February 02, 2004

Ready, Fire, AIM!

Yahoo! News Full Coverage - World - Bush to Order Probe of Iraq Intelligence

The whole shoot-first-ask-questions-later approach seems to be backfiring on our little Bushie. Let's hope this develops into a full-fledged Nixonian shame fest. I'd like to see a little piety or humility (uh, yeah, one of those Christian virtues) next time he appears publicly, instead of the typical "they're buying every pile of BS I lay on their front yards" smirk that he usually sports during press conferences.

He could use a little shame. Not like, losing at dodgeball shame- though that is a good thing to have rolling around in the "childhood trauma" files, just to remind everyone of their limits. They're eliminating dodgeball in schools, I hear. That can't be good- that leads to an unhealthy level of confidence.

But the same kind of shame that Britney Spears could use. Just a line, somewhere, that it's not okay to cross. The Icarus line- you can't fly too close to the sun, or you'll get burned . . . you can't lie to the American people forever, or at some point they will take you down. We can only hope. Everyone was so upset when Clinton didn't admit to having "relations" with Monica. Where is the outrage towards a man who will not admit that he sent hundreds of young Americans to their deaths over false pretenses?

Clinton displayed a fine show of Christian humility and shame after he was found out . . . but all we seem to get from this guy is decidedly unChristian pride, half-truths, continued grandstanding about our "recovering" economy and none-too-subtle reminders of a certain dictator now in our captivity. Nothing's more aggravating than those "God's on my side and I can do whatever I want" Christians. Those "If I pray hard enough, I'm not a sinner" Christians. Those "God give me what I want, so if you don't have what you want, you must not be a good Christian" Christians.

I'm pretty sure Jesus would have a little something to say about the kinds of Christians we see these days . . . abusing children, running countries, starting crusades . . .

At any rate, I'm employed for another month and have an interview tomorrow for a job writing obits for the local paper. Sounds good to me. In a rather morbid, Six-Feet-Under, David Sedaris kinda way. Which is cool . . .

Things are looking up a little and I'm considering road-tripping up to see my little sister one of these days when it thaws a bit- maybe I'll have some free time after the contract runs out that I can play with, maybe head to Chicago to see it in the springtime. That'd be nice . . . perhaps double it up as a job search excursion.

Here's hoping for a bright, warm, Bushless future.