Thursday, April 14, 2005

What the hell is this?

Okay, as much as I wouldn't mind having enough money to purchase one of these homes, I just don't get why a $289,000 loft has anything in the world to do with Jack Kerouac. Are there little stash-holes built into the kitchen cabinetry? Do they have short leases so you can hit the road and not settle down for too long? These are almost the opposite of anything Kerouac, as they are built on the steamrolled, hygenically scoured central Platte Valley area of Denver that was once home to exactly the kinds of drug-addled and misguided individuals that Kerouac ran with before the tech boom made lower downtown Denver an acceptable place to live again.

I've had it with corporations co-opting literary figures to make money. You've got your "Hemingway Collection" from Thomasville Furniture, now you've got "Jack Kerouac Lofts," both of which are seriously high-end products that mere writers and certainly English majors such as myself would have a hard time justifying.

So what's next?
Some suggestions for more grossly inappropriate beat poet tie-ins:

Dorothy Parker lingerie
Allen Ginsburg baby care products
William Burroughs naked Lunchables

*****Updated to include teh l4m3's contribution: Sylvia Plath Oven Cleaner.*****

Again, more developments in popular culture that just make me wish for a brutal uprising of the undead . . . zombie beat poets storming slick Madison Avenue skyscrapers to beat the living crap out of branding managers who would dare use their names to sell real estate and furniture.


  1. Hey, why not let more collegiate-type poets have a go? I can see it now: "Sylvia Plath Oven Cleaner." Don't let hard-to-scrub stains push you over The Edge!

  2. "Naked Lunchables." hahahahahahaha

  3. How about Virginia Wolfe life vests or pet rocks??? Take your pick. ;)

  4. you should really move to san francisco -- here, the lofts have asking prices of $699,000 and sell for $800k. and you get to live next to a freeway offramp between a gas station and a homeless shelter, across the street from the bear bar and that parking lot where they keep the tourist busses.