If you can't be bothered to read the whole schpeil, here are some highlights:
Welcome back to Meet the Press. In this segment we welcome as our guest the distinguished representative from the Third District of Wyoming. Congressman, as you know, the D.C. Police have announced today that the House Majority Leader has been found naked in a bathtub next to a dead prostitute, hugging a bloody axe, the suspected murder weapon, to his chest, with the words 'Yes, I did it. Me.' written with the victim's blood on the bathroom mirror in the congressman's own handwriting. We've just heard a senior member of the Minority delegation voice his argument as to why the leader deserves to have at least one if not both of his hands slapped. Do you sir, agree with this punishment which would involve the admonishment of a member of your own party?"
"Thank you Tim. With all due respect to my good friend of long standing and esteemed associate from across the aisle, I condemn this character assassination of our revered leader, so obviously a scurrilous partisan attack, solely meant to distract we, the party of ideas, from accomplishing the tasks the good and hard working people of America sent us here to Washington to achieve. I will tell you who the true victim is here, and it's not this alleged 'prostitute.' It's America, Tim. And America is crying because it is abundantly clear this is simply an assault by the radical left-wing press as part of their fundamental agenda to tear down the leader's leadership, in which he excels by leading.