Thursday, August 04, 2005


For all my trekkie friends . . . although I'm not entirely sure the analogy here is all that apropos.

I was driving to the Park and Ride this morning and listening to NPR, which has been steadily disappointing me lately (Nothing like waking up to Rick Santorum blathering on about how persecuted he is just because he stands for the American Family . . . it's enough to put you off your breakfast) and they were discussing the Bolton appointment. The spokeswoman for Bolton was talking about how she believes his new approach will lead to a new direction of success in the UN . . . and the NPR guy was just kind of eating it up. It bugged me.

I mean, where else but in the bizarro Bush administration would this guy get appointed to anything? Imagine:

MANAGER AT HOT-DOG-ON-A-STICK: Mr. Bolton, why do you want to work at Hot-Dog-On-A-Stick?

BOLTON: I fuckin' hate Hot-Dog-On-A-Stick. In fact, there is no such thing as Hot-Dog-On-A-Stick, only the greater mall collective, which can only be led by the one remaining anchor store, Macys. If 10 Hot-Dog-On-A-Stick franchises across the nation blew up, it wouldn't make any difference.

MANAGER AT HOT-DOG-ON-A-STICK: Ohhhkay. Um, we'll just check your references and get back to you.

BOLTON: The American shopper can no longer be fed the worthless crap that comes from Hot-Dog-On-A-Stick.


Then the district manager would wait until the manager was off his shift and go ahead and hire the sociopath, and Bolton would refuse to wear the dorky outfit and would constantly be trying to sabotage and steal from the Hot-Dog-On-A-Stick.

Seriously, though- this can't be good. In six weeks, the UN is going to be working on sweeping reforms to change the UN supposedly for the better, but in one of the most prominent spots we have a guy whose management style makes the guy from "The Office" look like supervisor of the year by comparison.

My theory (well, not really MY theory, I've seen it elsewhere) is that the Bush administration has no use for the UN and is sending this guy in to gut it, block up any chance for positive reform, and spin the blame to land squarely on the shoulders of the organization, not Bolton.

But what is even scarier is that Bolton could plainly NOT get appointed through the correct channels, and received his new job in a back-door manner that shows the Senate, the voters and the world that no protocol is going to stop Bushie from getting his way. Not cool. Not cool at all.


  1. Don't forget that when the store manager checks Bolton's references, they all agree that he's a douchebag through-and-through.

  2. well, VV, when you put it that way..., sheesh.

  3. the donut hole, where bolton worked last, has dominated the food court for over five years; however, the employees there never clean the grease traps, never bother cleaning up their customer's trays (it's a big food court, let the guys at the kebab place take care of it) and the rich kid with the big ears that's been running the place for the last six months keeps giving free donuts to his friends, taking long weekends, and the till keeps coming up short but he blames that sissy liberal arts student who's working his way through school for screwing things up.

  4. What about the part where Bolton chases the new lemonade intern into the Banana Republic, cursing and screaming and flinging poo?

  5. “If the UN secretary building in New York lost ten stories, it wouldn’t make a bit of difference.”
    – At a 1994 panel discussion sponsored by the World Federalist Association.

  6. Bolton's more of the film school dropout who works in Blockbuster. His lip curls into a sneer no matter which direction he faces, because everywhere are National Treasure displays and life-size cardboard cutouts of Daredevil. Some day you know he's going to leap up on the counter, kick a customer's pile of Pokemon DVDs on the floor, and scream "You're all a bunch of FRIKKIN MORONS!!" It's only a matter of time.