Last night Dad called, told us to get gas while the getting was good. So after seeing Lizzie off back to Longmont, I got into the SAAB and headed out in search of an open gas station.
Most of the ones I usually frequent were closed. Which was weird. The pumps all gave me this mysterious "Pump Halted" message. I finally found a very crowded station down on Colorado Blvd. and was able to ge a tank but the whole experience left me with kind of an anxious, postapocalyptic feeling. Like something real bad is going to happen soon.
It isn't just the gas, it's a lot of things- from the "Constitution" that they are trying to prop up amid serious misgivings by the Sunnis in Iraq to the jobs going away to the fact that the same groceries I paid $20 for last year are costing me $35 now. When Lizzie got off the phone with Dad last night, I drily asked if the stock market had crashed, trying to put my Dorothy Parker face on through this feeling of unease. "No," she said. "But it might tomorrow."
Last time I had this feeling was when Bush gave the address saying that he was going to begin military operations in Iraq. And, like then, the tone has been set for the week, the month, probably the rest of the year. This foreboding, numb feeling that tells you that all is not well, and won't be for some time.
Do those relentlessly optimistic Bush voters know at all what this feels like? Those folks who believe that freedom is on the march, that the Bush Boom is more than just an Orwellian marketing slogan? Do these feelings of dread ever seep through to their cores like it does to mine? I guess if it doesn't, I understand a little better. Who would want to feel this way? If maintaining that Bush is the man for the job makes you avoid this feeling that your culture and economy are on the brink of destruction, than I guess I can see where they are coming from. I just don't know how they do it.