Monday, October 31, 2005


4000 hits this month, as per sitemeter.

Trick or . . . trick, I guess

Mia Wallace was a hit at the Saturday party . . . I'll get some photos up of tonight's bar crawl in Boulder sometime tomorrow.

So the Alito nomination totally killed my Fitzmas buzz, which was really too bad. But I kind of saw it coming. Did I really think that Bush would somehow come through with a well-reasoned, balanced choice for SCOTUS? I'm not that naive. But "Scalito" is almost a slap in the face . . . just when you think you've prepared yourself for how bad a nominee could be, this guy comes along.

And on NPR this morning, the conservadroid commentator was trying to defend him as a "judge's judge" by mentioning a case wherein he'd defended a Muslim police officer's right to wear a beard at work. That's great, but he also argued that a woman considering abortion should be required by law to notify her husband of her choice. The beard thing doesn't quite cover up that, or the fact that Alito was the lone dissenter in the Planned Parenthood V. Casey case.

Again, I've made it clear that I doubt Bush has any serious designs on reversing Roe V. Wade. But Planned Parenthood V. Casey was primarily about privacy, not abortion, and in the post-9/11 world, privacy is quickly becoming a bigger issue than Roe ever could be.

Thursday, October 27, 2005

Let's just be obsessively loyal friends, OK?

Miers pulled out. I kinda thought she would. Of all the ambiguities in her record, personal politics and character, the only real consistent traits I ever saw in her were slavering, Condoleeza-esque loyalty and a fierce protectiveness of her own secrets. At some point she probably decided it was in the best interests of Big Daddy Dubya and herself to bow out and let him fry the bigger fish that seem to keep piling up on him . . .

At any rate, I'd like to clarify yesterday's post a bit, seeing as how all my big blog brothers dogpiled me for what I said about Nixon v. Bush as far as corruption goes . . . Here goes. The administration as a whole, the Bush Tapestry if you will, is no doubt much, much worse than Nixon's little foray into breaking and entering. This is absolutely true. The elections were certainly not clean, the war is a sham, etc. etc. Yes. True. What I meant to convey is my opinion that the Plame affair itself is a blip on the corruption radar screen. While I'll be happy as anyone else if this is the straw that breaks the bloated Bush camel's back, outing Valerie Plame alone is not, to my mind, as bad as Watergate was at the time it occured.

That said, Nixon was an amateur to corruption compared with the larger picture here.

And Patrick Fitzgerald?

Still hot.

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

The waiting is the hardest part

I'm not very good at detail politics. I am more interested in social politics, what makes people tick on certain issues, the big picture stuff. Which is why, I guess, I haven't really discussed the simmering pot of corruption, greed and secrecy that is the Plame case.

I hesitate to take part in the "Worse than Watergate" assessment of this case, mostly because the scale of the actual crime, at least to my mind, is not as egregious as what was going on with Nixon. There is no doubt in my mind that Rove ratted Valerie out to settle a petty political vendetta (in true Greek style, this might be the overreaching arrogant move that destroys him. I hope). But I'm not yet convinced that the leak is as bad as what Nixon did. Looking at it through social politics glasses, Watergate pissed on the American Dream at a time when most Americans thought they could trust the government, at least to a certain degree. By the time the Plame case became more or less public, I think most Americans had come to terms with the fact that the American government is not worthy of the kind of Eisenhower-era trust they once placed in it.

There is the angle that the Plame leak compromised national security, which might be true on some levels. But I think that if you want to talk about ways in which the neocon cabal has compromised our national security, we need to start the conversation well before this scandal, and look at how, you know, they sold all those WMDs to Saddam Hussein. That's a good place to start.

In truth, I think the Plame case is probably small beer compared to the real scandals of the too-cozy relationship between the Bush family and the House of Saud, of the tragedy of 2,000 soldiers dead, of the Diebold voting machines, of the pathetic and incompetent reaction to Katrina, of the Bush administration's outright hostility toward the environment, of the pathetic state of "No Child Left Behind" and of the millions of Americans who will have to figure out how to budget this year just to heat their homes while Shell, Exxon and BP make billions off of oil markups.

But that's not to say that I can't wait for the indictments to start coming in. I'm certainly for any kind of legal action that will take these bastards down. If Plame is going to be for the Bush Administration what "tax evasion" was for Al Capone, I'm all for it.

And Patrick Fitzgerald is hot:

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Tuesday List, Momma Vespa's Greatest Hits Edition


1. "This might sound slutty, coming from your mom, but if I were touring with Led Zeppelin, I'd be having sex with them."

2. "I'm not nearly as much of a bitch as I used to be."

3. "Worst. Fucking. President. Ever."

4. "That's what he said to Laura" (Watching TV, after Dubya turned to Kerry at the end of a debate and said 'That was enjoyable.')

5. That's what I'll do this year for Halloween. When those little shits come to steal my candy off the porch, the basket will be filled with flourescent dildos instead. (This was just today.)

6. "Yay!" (When I told her I'd lost my virginity.)

7. "Sometimes it's just fun to make out."

8. "If I ever wear 'mom jeans,' please shoot me."

9. "I swear to God, I'm going to come back in the next life as a fat woman."

10. "I love you."

Eat my Tercel Dust, elitist bitch!

Today on I-25, I saw something I see a lot. A guy (it's almost always a guy) driving a little shitbox car, held together with duct tape and WalMart bags, with a "Bush Cheney" sticker on the back.

This just kills me. The guy almost always sneers at me, in my Saab, with my "Hail to the Thief" sticker, and drives past like he's won some kind of unspoken argument with me.

Right. Good for you, man. Great. You win. You are still driving the shitbox car that you blamed Clinton for, you are filling it with gas at $2.67 a gallon and you're driving it to a job in Weld County that is probably just there until they can get the paperwork done to outsource it. Game, set, match man. I'll just go cry into my latte now.

There just seems to be this contingent of Bush voter that only voted for the guy to be audacious and "different." It's like the ultimate in political incorrectness. An act of adolescent rebellion aimed at a percieved liberal, effete, all-too-accepting culture. Kind of the political manifestation of Cartman's "Whateva! I'll do what I want!" attitude when he was on Maury Povich.

What's crazy is that I'm so angry over the way things are for poor people, and yet so many poor people are so happy with the way things are. I mean, honestly, I'm not doing too bad. I am pretty much cash poor but I do alright for myself. I have my car, my designer jeans, my pointy shoes and enough change leftover at the end of the week to eat at Little India or whatever. I'm doing OK. But the guy in the shitbox car with the Bush Cheney sticker on it probably makes do on much less than me, probably has a family, and probably is stuck with Tater Tot Casserole Tuesdays that become Tater Tot Casserole Revivals on Thursdays and Beef Hash Mondays that become Chili Surprise Wednesdays. His kids will probably be faced with the "Army v. Wal Mart" choice upon leaving high school, and if they chose the military they'll probably be shafted out of their college benefits like so many other poor kids. Life probably sucks a lot more for Mr. Shitbox. But instead of blaming Bush/Cheney 2004 for it, he blames it all on people like me. Hence the sneer.

The Lawyer and I were discussing the other day how people can be really smart, but also really wrong. But then there are people like Mr. Shitbox who are not only wrong, but very ignorant, and will probably never understand why they have to live the way they live.

Monday, October 24, 2005

What the Deuce?

This is what happens when I have too much time on my hands on a Sunday afternoon.

All in all, though, the kind of weekend where one forgets the bigger issues of the world, and has a delightful time in the smaller-scale realities of two days off of work. I need more weekends like this . . . although right now I'm nursing a low-grade hangover from too much fun last night at Carmine's on Penn and a too-friendly waiter who pours too-generous after-dinner drinks.

I can't imagine what my post-Fitzmas hangover will feel like . . . but I have a feeling that it will be worth it.

Friday, October 21, 2005

Blurry cat

Among the joys of cat ownership- seeing this in your face each morning.

Like I need a quiz to tell me this.

You are a

Social Liberal
(78% permissive)

and an...

Economic Liberal
(11% permissive)

You are best described as a:


Link: The Politics Test on OkCupid Free Online Dating
Also: The OkCupid Dating Persona Test

Friday random ten: rainy day edition

I'm all sleepy because I was out late last night for wings and $1 beer at Ladies' Night in Longmont . . . and then I went home and watched part of my new "Stewie Griffin: The Untold Story" DVD before crashing. I was so pleased that the movie has one of Stewie's "Sexy Parties" in it, where he puts on a captain's hat, Benny Hill music comes on and women in lingerie parade around the house in fast motion. I think that for my next party, I'm just going to have invites with Stewie on them: "Come to another one of my Sexy Parties!."

Anyway, onto the music. The gray weather is adding to my need to hibernate, so here are some downbeat favorites:

1. Portishead, "Roads." On a day like today, Portishead is like hot cocoa spiked with spanish fly.

2. Travis, "Sing." I think I wore grooves into "The Invisible Band" when I was in college. These boys do amazing things with a banjo.

3. Beck, "End of the Day," from Sea Change. Sea Change is the album Beck did without moving his lips.

4. Massive Attack, "Teardrop." Oooh, I love this song. Warms you up inside like a good martini.

5. The Pixies, "Where is my Mind?" Ah. Makes me want to be Helena Bonham Carter.

6. Thievery Corporation, "Indra." A cool, slow song mixed up with Bollywood beats.

7. Tori Amos, "Spark." I like the songs Tori does that sound like she's playing music underwater.

8. Aphex Twin, "IZ-US." This guy is so weird, but makes such pretty music.

9. Bic Runga, "Election Night." I need her to come out with something new. Perhaps I should follow the cue of the "free Fiona" people and send a bunch of Bic lighters to her record company?

10. Coldplay, "Clocks." Yeah, I know, pop sellouts, lazy version of U2, big fat weenies who marry Tenenbaums, yes, I know. But I can't help it, I love this song.

Thursday, October 20, 2005

Never before have the words "criminal conspiracy" sounded so sweet


[Latin] A legal writ, the most common of which is the the writ of capias ad respondendum, ordering the sheriff to arrest a defendant in a civil case for appearance in court to answer the plaintiff’s declaration. The writ states the name of defendant, the court term when he was required to appear; the name of the plaintiff, the form of action (in non-bailable cases this was a fictitious trespass); and the names of the justice, clerk, and plaintiff's attorney. The writ does not contain a statement of the plaintiffs claim. The Alias Capias is the second issuance of a capias after the original had gone without answer.

Blogging from the Rectangular State

It has been a while since I've had a look around to see what mischief my fellow Colorado bloggers have been up to. So here's a roundup of some recent discoveries:

Julie in Centennial has a simple credo on her profile: "I'm a liberal, deal with it." It has got to be more than a little difficult to be a liberal in Tancredo Country, so props to her for being a little blue dot in the big red district.

While I've known Emdash for a little while through Drinking Liberally, I have only had a few chances to glance at her blog, Unbossed. But it's a great place to go for views on Colorado politics from a pretty diverse little group of writers. It's worth it just for the "Site of the Week" postings.

Curious Stranger is from Connecticut but lives in Colorado. Usually I tend to resent East Coast transplants, what with their driving of the Jeeps and their wearing of the North Face and their pronouncing of the "Denvah." But CS is a kool kid and is pretty plugged in to local politics and music, so I'll give this yankee a pass. Plus, his title for a DeLay arrest post was "The Hammer Gets Nailed."

Andrew Oh-Willeke, a.k.a. the Wash Park Prophet has been hanging around here and being kind enough to throw the occasional link my way, so I've been making his place a stop on the daily blogaround. There's some good stuff here- both local and global politics.

Evil Mommy is one of my new favorites- she is a hip mom and a fun writer. She has a good take on local and national politics but the stories about her adventures with her kids in Denver are also well worth reading.

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Schadenfreude days are here again!

Again, I need to stop posting depressing blogs in the a.m. I should really just wait until the afternoon, so I can hop on such exciting news as this:

AUSTIN, Texas (AP) -- A Texas court issued a warrant Wednesday for former House Majority Leader Tom DeLay to appear for booking, where he is likely to face the fingerprinting and photo mug shot he had hoped to avoid.

Woo hoo!

Sake bombs, all around.

This, the new and wonderful addition of the Colbert Report to my life, and I have a (second) date Friday night . . . life is good again.

Better start brushing up on my Mandarin

Okay, considering the following:

America's debt to China grows daily as the war in Iraq drags on
China has a population of more than 1.3 billion
China will be the world's largest market for automobiles in the next decade
China could be the world's largest exporter by 2010

. . . I think it's safe to say that this little maneuver will go down in history as the last throes of an obstinate, arrogant superpower as it begins to lose all hold on global domination and is slowly overtaken by the new economic juggernaut in Asia.

The Neocons messed up here- although it's hard to say that any forethought may have saved them. They forgot that while "resolve," "democracy," "liberty" and all that are great poetic concepts, they don't pay the tab when the bill comes for anti-aircraft missiles and Humvees. They spent away any promise of continued dominance, and continue to spend away any hope for reassertion as they keep taking out loans from the Chinese.

Add to this the dominance of America's Anti-Science Right and you have a recipe for decline.

No innovation. No money. A stubborn refusal to commit to the use of new energy options (while China makes this a priority). I can't help but think this is all leading us down the same path that porous borders, lead pipes, inbreeding and barbarian influences led the Romans.

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Crazy people, and a list

PPMM- a familiar character to those who know me, just said "I believe that Iraq is going to be free and democratic and Bush will be the hero of our times. I had a vision about it just the other day."

Holy crap. No pun intended.

But then, I guess if you feel that it's OK to build a religion around a guy who talked to God in his hat, then I guess you'll believe it's OK to invade a sovreign country for a lot of really bad reasons but not a single good one.


For Tuesday's list:


1. I'm a single parent of the opposite gender of my child. I want to help my child understand the physical changes to expect during adolescence, I feel uncomfortable with the topic, can you help?

Let the bugger figure it out on his own, or better yet, pass this unpleasant little duty of explaining the mommy-daddy dance off to some other person. Nothing would be more traumatic than him hearing you say "erection" anyway.

2. What do I do about this aggressive teen-age girl that is "coming-on" to my son?

Girls with strong sexualities are inherently evil. Burn her! Burn the witch!

3. How do I help my child set boundaries around sexual behavior in order to make healthy choices about relationships and understand the benefits of abstinence? What should I do?

(This one you should actually go read. There is an interesting and very Freudian discussion about Chastity Rings and "Mommy Dates" that will set your mind spinning)

4. But abstinence until marriage is unrealistic. Aren't you ignoring the reality of premarital sex?

Ah, you must be one of them liberals. The truth of the matter is, if you don't set unrealistic standards, you will always be satisfied with your life, and that makes baby Jesus cry. So go set yourself up for failure, kids!

5. But homosexuals can't or don't get married. Aren't you discriminating against this population by promoting abstinence until marriage?

Um, riiight. Moving on . . .

6. By teaching abstinence, aren't you ignoring the need for education about contraceptives for those teens who are sexually active?

Arent YOU ignoring the creeping epidemics of syphillis? Aren't you? You WANT those teenagers to get herpes! All the better to serve your secular humanistic, pinko commie plan!

Monday, October 17, 2005

Trying to keep balanced

OK, most of you have probably noticed that I've been keeping away from a lot of heavy subjects this past month or so . . . By way of explanation, this is partly because I'm suffering from random bouts of Outrage Fatigue. There's just too much right now to be angry about all at once, so I'm trying to space it all out a bit, punctuated with little dispatches about the odd incidents in my life. Trying to keep it in the spirit of what Pepper so kindly dubbed "a fizzy mix of pop and politics."

So right now I'm struggling with the latest elections in Iraq . . . I don't believe that any election that requires the banning of personal vehicles on the road during polling hours can be considered a truly "free" election. I also think back to my dreadful sixth-grade unit on our very own Civil War (in the grand tradition of Colorado Public Schools, it was taught by a guy named Ken Burns. We were forced, Clockwork Orange-style to watch the entire 3000-hour documentary in lieu of actual teaching of any kind). There were plenty of future Confederate leaders, plenty of people who would secede in the following year, who participated in the 1860 elections in America. And it didn't stop anything.

But that's about all I can say about that right now. If I get any angrier about it, I'm likely to get all despondent again, like when I finished "What's the Matter with Kansas."


In the spirit of keeping the balance, I'll add to this post the fact that I'm anxiously awaiting news about whether or not I can get into a press screening of "Shopgirl." Claire Danes was among my preadolescent heroes and I really want to see this flick with author/actor Steve Martin as the older love interest. Not that I know anything about dating older men.


Friday, October 14, 2005

Kitty/Modern Design blogging

What can I say? I'm a sucker for the "Bewitched" school of home decor.

Thursday, October 13, 2005

Postcards from Pakistan

Conversation in the car today:
(NPR in background, talking about quake developments)

Me: I don't get these people who think that God is punishing sinners by creating natural disasters. If anything, it looks like God hates brown people, not gay people.

Sister: I think he hates us all. That's why he's hitting all the hot vacation spots.

Me: Yeah. Like Pakistan.

Sister: OK, not the best example.

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Well that sucked.

Got pulled over by The Man today . . . said he clocked me at 76 in a 55. I was very polite and self-effacing but in my head I was thinking that there was no effin way I was going that fast.

Ah well, gotta go have my day in court in December.

But the whole ordeal got me to thinking- there are definitely Republicans in Colorado who simultaneously defend torture and advocate a near-dissolution of police power in the United States. I don't know exactly how they rationalize it, but these types are rarely the kind who think along linear, logical lines. On one hand they believe in Patriot Act and the mission of the Department of Homeland Security, on the other hand they believe that all cops are trampling on the constitution by pulling people over for safety belt violations or requiring bikers to wear helmets.

Kinda like Michelle Malkin defending internment . . . and it probably does boil down to a basically racist philosophy, a kind of "freedom for me but not for thee" attitude regarding the mysterious "other" who might have sinister designs upon the country.


Anyone else ever have to fight a traffic ticket in court? Free advice is certainly welcome . . .

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

What's better than a list?

A Bill O'Reilly takedown!

This was just too good to pass up:

Oh golly, I don't know, the Supreme Court, the House, the Senate, the White House, huge megachurch establishments like Focus on the Family and last but not least the televangelist contingent that broadcasts 24/7 worldwide?

Supreme Court nominee Harriet Miers reminds me of June Cleaver, who birthed Beaver and Wally in 1960s sitcom land. Standing next to President Bush, I kept envisioning Harriet holding a tray of cookies for the president and any senator who might want one.

Well, let me first argue that there is little to no conclusive evidence that June Cleaver actually "birthed" anyone. As far as we know, the Cleaver runts were immaculately conceived, just like all of the Bradys and Little Ricky Ricardo.

But second of all, why cookies? Why the housewife fetish, Bill?

Now I realize this portrayal of Ms. Miers is immature and possibly offensive to people who resent this kind of foolishness when professional women are involved.

But like everything else Bill thinks is immature and offensive, he's going to run with it!

But trust me, my daydream about Harriet Miers is not nearly as offensive as what is going on in some media precincts. Many conservative pundits don't like Harriet because she's not "right" enough. And some lefties believe she's not qualified to serve her country because she's a practicing Christian.

Uh huh. Show me ONE "lefty" who said that. And what the hell is a media precinct? Do they go by zip code?

Writing in the secular temple that is The New York Times, columnist Maureen Dowd states: "(President Bush) is asking for a triple leap of faith. He has faith in Ms. Miers as his lawyer and as a woman who shares his faith. And we're expected to have faith in his faith and her faith that could change the balance of the court and affect women's rights for the next generation."

No such thing as a "secular temple."

Of course Ms. Dowd worships at the altar of Roe v. Wade, and any person who might be pro-life is automatically unsuitable in her mind to hold a decision-making position. But the truth is, Harriet Miers has not publicly stated her position on abortion and probably will never do so. Thus, Ms. Dowd is objecting to Ms. Miers because she attends an Evangelical Christian Church in Texas, and we can't have those kinds of people on the Court, can we?

Well, we can, but it's generally not the greatest idea. Let me put this in terms Bill would understand. Once the court criminalizes middle-eastern food fetishes, only criminals will have middle-eastern food fetishes.

Some liberal journalists and politicians are clearly saying conservative Christians need not apply to serve their country. This, of course, is outrageous and unconstitutional. If that kind of bias were directed at any other American group, there would be hell to pay. But Christians are fair game for media scorn, mockery and dismissal.

Help! Help! I'm being oppressed!

A recent Gallup survey puts the number of Americans who call themselves Christians at 84 percent, and that kind of majority is dangerous to the goals of the secular-progressive movement. The main opposition to things like gay marriage, euthanasia, legalized drugs and all kinds of abortion on demand for any girl or woman are faith-based people who form judgments about behavior and object to a society that does not. If you eliminate people of faith from positions of power in the USA, well, hello, Holland.

You say "Holland" like it's a bad thing.

It is worth noting that according to the American Society of Newspaper Editors, journalists are much less "Christian" than the country as a whole. A 1997 study says 59 percent of newspaper people call themselves Catholic or Protestant and 20 percent say they don't believe in God at all. According to Gallup, just 9 percent of the American population is atheist or agnostic.

Wait . . . I thought we were talking about Harriet Miers and her June Cleavery yumminess? Oh, right, everything boils down to the eeeevil secular press.

Mark my words, in the weeks to come, you will hear all kinds of anti-Christian stuff in the media when Harriet Miers is being discussed. Some of it will be subtle, but not all. This is a clip-and-save moment. The secular media knows Ms. Miers will be confirmed to the Supreme Court, but they will get their anti-Christian digs in during the process.

Mark my words? Who are you, an evil villain from a badly translated Finnish movie?

No, the press isn't going to get their "Anti-Christian" digs in during the process, they're going to call her for what she is- a woman with no judicial experience and a weirdly cozy relationship with James Dobson.

As a Christian, I have already forgiven my misguided peers for what they will inevitably do. Also, after 12 years of Catholic school, I know a thing or two about demons. The demonization of Harriet Miers will be very instructive to watch. And she looks like such a nice woman.

Aw, forgiveness. That's big of you, Bill. You want me to help you nail yourself to that big splintery cross? I have a few 10-inch nails and a ball peen hammer that would probably do the trick.

But I won't deny him that he probably knows a lot about demons . . . he works at Fox News, after all.

Monday, October 10, 2005

Can't stand up for falling down

To all those shiny happy winger schmucks who like to incessantly remind the anti-war movement of the Iraq vote and the fantazamazing new constitution in Iraq, I bring you some news.

The Sunni insurgency is using the Iraq vote and the new Iraqi constitution as a tool to recruit more insurgents:

In public pronouncements, Sunni insurgent groups say they are committed to blocking the constitution, but figures with credible claims to contact with leaders of the bombers and gunmen say they may welcome a "Yes" vote, since it could push angry, disillusioned Sunnis to join their ranks.

"We will increase military operations against the U.S forces and the government to thwart the constitution and to prove its illegitimacy," said one militant nationalist, speaking on condition of anonymity, on Monday.

That and I heard an NPR item on today's Morning Edition about how the Iraqi middle class is now enjoying the right to cheap, widely accessible plastic fucking surgery.

Now that's progress. Sure, we may have the growing threat of insurgency, but our women will now have large silicone breasts and tiny European noses. Freedom is on the march!

Friday, October 07, 2005

Friday random ten: Radio 1190 edition

I just got headphones at work, and while they serve the dual purpose of helping me do transcription while making it look like I don't want to talk to anyone, they also allow me to listen to the venerable Radio 1190 line-up of indie music.

Here are the top ten from the week:

1. Andrew Bird: Fake Palindromes. I could listen to this all day.

2. Summerbirds in the Cellar: Sunight Sickness. A bit of a mouthful, but a very sweet-sounding band from Florida.

3. Rilo Kiley: Portions for Foxes. It doesn't get much more college-rock than this.

4. Tom Waits: Top of the Hill. Tom has finally given up all attempts at actual singing and is now just the slightly more musical equivalent of the grumbling sounds your grandfather makes while he's trying to sleep on the couch after Thanksgiving dinner.

5. Jello Biafra and the Melvins: Kalifornia Uber Alles, 21st Century. Damn funny and also kind of sad, like so much of what Jello Biafra has to say . . .

6. Miss TK and the Revenge: Sunshine, Sunshine, where are you? It's kind of like what it would sound like if Strawberry Shortcake went punk rock.

7. Matisyahu: King without a Crown. Now, I know we all laughed when we first saw that a Hassidic Jewish reggae artist had appeared on the scene. But you know what? He's actually quite good.

8. Celebration: Diamonds. Gotta love the mix of weird 1950s slow-dance music with Iggy Poppish lyrics.

9. Laura Veirs: Galaxies. Dex, this one's for you. A girl with glasses AND a guitar.

10. Freakwater: So Strange. As the song title suggests . . . sort of hillbily country mixed with dirty lyrics like "I defiled your cake."

Thursday, October 06, 2005

It's OK, I have a note from my mom.

I was out sick yesterday from work, so that's my excuse for the absence. Being my mother's child, though, I used the day to catch up on a lot of things- Laundry, a couple of seamstressing projects I'm working on, and brainstorming the new column, which has been reupped for another six months. Woo hoo!

The subject I decided on was a more political one than I've ever done before (unless you are really passionate about breed-specific legislation). I'm just kind of sad that the networks and everyone were harping on the "revealing" nature of hurricane Katrina, vis a vis the poor, and now all that has faded and they're instead harping on the insane notion that Tom Cruise and Beardy McBeardington are going to have a baby.

We'll see how that goes.

At any rate, a day out means twice as much work for the next day so I'd better get started compiling some film listings . . .

Until next time . . .

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

Tuesday Lists- Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places Edition

(Links not included, to protect the innocent. Or at least, the clueless)

1. "I love to enjoy life the emotional and the physical!!" (Hey, who doesn't?)

2. "Turnoffs: Needy, insistent on being cared for; Feminist extremism; senseless hatred, obsessive hatred, hatred in general; closed-mindedness, liberal balderdash; getting drunk, smoking pot; reckless, aggressive diving; obesity, self-indulgence, laziness; Rap music." (Balderdash really harshes my buzz, too.)

3. "I'm a lot more fun and interesting that the other folks on here." (My long search is over!)

4. "Qualities I'm looking for: Sane, intelligent, a good sense of humor and properly submissive." (Uh, good luck with that.)

5. "I was born and raised in the Midwest so I have midwestern values. I am on the old fassion side of line. My prioritys go in order of the following: God Wife Children friends/relitives Church Work That is my midset. I enjoy quiet evenings at home with a love one to cuddle with while watching tv/movie/music with." (I seem to recall spelling being a Midwestern value . . . but maybe things have changed. I have yet to meet someone who likes to watch music, so I gotta wish this guy the best.)

6. "The women I have dated have told me that I make them feel "safe" and women keep telling me that I smell great even though I never wear cologne...just thought that was interesting." (Yes, women flock to my natural Man Musk!)

7. "Turnoffs: SOMEONE WHO PALYING GAMES ON SOMEONES EMSOES." (I got nothing. This guy is a white dude, born and raised in Arkansas, so I would presume English should be his first language . . .)

8. "WELL,LET ME START BY SAYING YOU HAVE TO BE VERY HINESTY WITH YOURSELF,BEFORE OTHERS." (What is with the caps that seem to accompany poor spelling? Is ignorance just more fun if you are loud about it?)

9. "i am 20, i like to party and get drunk" (Jenna? Is that you?)

10. "I don't have self esteem problems, in fact I am a little arrogant and think quite highly of myself. But that fact that I knows this kind of makes me only falsely arrogant. So really I'm not arrogant. like to think I'm funny. I am also active in the Republican Party." (Active? No, son, you are their mascot!)

Monday, October 03, 2005

Well, you have to admit it is a novel approach

Got a note on my car today. I usually get notes that say "stop dinging your car door into my truck." or "Your lights are on" or something equally negative. You rarely get notes under your windshield wiper that make your day better.

But this is what it said:
As I was leaving yesterday afternoon, I noticed you washing your car and I think you are very pretty. If you don't have a boyfriend, I would like to take you out but if you do have a boyfriend please disregard my note. I am 29 years old, 6'5 and have an athletic build (phonenumber)


May it also be known that I wasn't doing any kind of Paris Hilton theatrics while washing the car. And I hadn't showered and looked every bit of my three hours of sleep after a Stoli and the Beers concert on Saturday.

Speaking of novel approaches, how about nominating someone as a chief justice who has never presided over a case!

That's the kind of out-of-the-box thinking that makes the Bush administration special.

Of course, when my cat thinks out of the box, the result is much the same. A big shitty mess.