THINGS I'VE HEARD MY MOM SAY:
1. "This might sound slutty, coming from your mom, but if I were touring with Led Zeppelin, I'd be having sex with them."
2. "I'm not nearly as much of a bitch as I used to be."
3. "Worst. Fucking. President. Ever."
4. "That's what he said to Laura" (Watching TV, after Dubya turned to Kerry at the end of a debate and said 'That was enjoyable.')
5. That's what I'll do this year for Halloween. When those little shits come to steal my candy off the porch, the basket will be filled with flourescent dildos instead. (This was just today.)
6. "Yay!" (When I told her I'd lost my virginity.)
7. "Sometimes it's just fun to make out."
8. "If I ever wear 'mom jeans,' please shoot me."
9. "I swear to God, I'm going to come back in the next life as a fat woman."
10. "I love you."