Tuesday, October 04, 2005

Tuesday Lists- Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places Edition

LINES FROM PERSONAL ADS AT "OTHER SINGLES," A CONSERVATIVE DATING SITE:
(Links not included, to protect the innocent. Or at least, the clueless)

1. "I love to enjoy life the emotional and the physical!!" (Hey, who doesn't?)

2. "Turnoffs: Needy, insistent on being cared for; Feminist extremism; senseless hatred, obsessive hatred, hatred in general; closed-mindedness, liberal balderdash; getting drunk, smoking pot; reckless, aggressive diving; obesity, self-indulgence, laziness; Rap music." (Balderdash really harshes my buzz, too.)

3. "I'm a lot more fun and interesting that the other folks on here." (My long search is over!)

4. "Qualities I'm looking for: Sane, intelligent, a good sense of humor and properly submissive." (Uh, good luck with that.)

5. "I was born and raised in the Midwest so I have midwestern values. I am on the old fassion side of line. My prioritys go in order of the following: God Wife Children friends/relitives Church Work That is my midset. I enjoy quiet evenings at home with a love one to cuddle with while watching tv/movie/music with." (I seem to recall spelling being a Midwestern value . . . but maybe things have changed. I have yet to meet someone who likes to watch music, so I gotta wish this guy the best.)

6. "The women I have dated have told me that I make them feel "safe" and women keep telling me that I smell great even though I never wear cologne...just thought that was interesting." (Yes, women flock to my natural Man Musk!)

7. "Turnoffs: SOMEONE WHO PALYING GAMES ON SOMEONES EMSOES." (I got nothing. This guy is a white dude, born and raised in Arkansas, so I would presume English should be his first language . . .)

8. "WELL,LET ME START BY SAYING YOU HAVE TO BE VERY HINESTY WITH YOURSELF,BEFORE OTHERS." (What is with the caps that seem to accompany poor spelling? Is ignorance just more fun if you are loud about it?)

9. "i am 20, i like to party and get drunk" (Jenna? Is that you?)

10. "I don't have self esteem problems, in fact I am a little arrogant and think quite highly of myself. But that fact that I knows this kind of makes me only falsely arrogant. So really I'm not arrogant. like to think I'm funny. I am also active in the Republican Party." (Active? No, son, you are their mascot!)

14 comments:

  1. i hate aggressive "diving," too. Best of luck to bachelor(ette) #2!

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  2. "Qualities I'm looking for: Sane, intelligent, a good sense of humor and properly submissive"

    Well at least he's up-front about it. =x

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  3. Seax- sadly, he's a bachelor. In his 50s.

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  4. Ye gods, you're a tougher woman than I, just to be able to peruse these things. Assume your barf-bag is at the ready while you compile these, right?

    Silleigh
    (fergot m'Blogger password)

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  5. I've been looking for someone who starts a conversation with "I don't have any self-esteem problems." Hell of an icebreaker.

    It's like walking up to a stranger and saying, "Nobody thinks I'm crazy."

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  6. The real question is how can we introduce these people to the frustrated lovers over at Hannidate?

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  7. OK, but what are #2's turn-ons?

    I was thinking of filling one of those out using nothing but quotes from Earl, the bug-eyed Steve Buscemi lookalike from the Red Meat comic strip:

    "If I could have just one wish this Christmas, it would be for peace on Earth and goodwill towards men... which would be enforced 24 hours a day by my own army of giant killer robots and all them amazon bikini troops that'll be guarding my flying nuclear battle station."

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  8. I have a couple of friends who advertise as a couple on various sites. Anyone who posts that they "liked fun" was ruled out.

    I've come to despise "fun" for similar reasons.

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  9. I think #2 is Tucker Carlson.

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  10. Unto #6 I say: Thanks for keeping Womenkind Safe, Mustelid Man!

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  11. "Turnoffs: SOMEONE WHO PALYING GAMES ON SOMEONES EMSOES."

    Someone, perhaps Doctor Who, is trying disingenuously to be pals with someone else's Eskimos?

    ...With someone's insoles?

    Hey Vespa, have a question about blogrolling stuff. Email me, if you would, at the SadNo address...

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  12. Speaking of blogrolling, I think we have conclusively established that the Sunday coupon cannot, understand any circumstances, be made funny.

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  13. Oh god, we can't let these people mate! I take back everything negative I ever said about that Sanger chick...

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  14. Thanks!! That post made my Friday afternoon. LOL.

    And I must echo that I hate ANYONE who is into "PALYING GAMES ON SOMEONES EMSOES"

    Maybe playing games on someone's emotions? Nah... I like the eskimo explanation above.

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