Tuesday, October 11, 2005

What's better than a list?

A Bill O'Reilly takedown!

This was just too good to pass up:

Oh golly, I don't know, the Supreme Court, the House, the Senate, the White House, huge megachurch establishments like Focus on the Family and last but not least the televangelist contingent that broadcasts 24/7 worldwide?

Supreme Court nominee Harriet Miers reminds me of June Cleaver, who birthed Beaver and Wally in 1960s sitcom land. Standing next to President Bush, I kept envisioning Harriet holding a tray of cookies for the president and any senator who might want one.

Well, let me first argue that there is little to no conclusive evidence that June Cleaver actually "birthed" anyone. As far as we know, the Cleaver runts were immaculately conceived, just like all of the Bradys and Little Ricky Ricardo.

But second of all, why cookies? Why the housewife fetish, Bill?

Now I realize this portrayal of Ms. Miers is immature and possibly offensive to people who resent this kind of foolishness when professional women are involved.

But like everything else Bill thinks is immature and offensive, he's going to run with it!

But trust me, my daydream about Harriet Miers is not nearly as offensive as what is going on in some media precincts. Many conservative pundits don't like Harriet because she's not "right" enough. And some lefties believe she's not qualified to serve her country because she's a practicing Christian.

Uh huh. Show me ONE "lefty" who said that. And what the hell is a media precinct? Do they go by zip code?

Writing in the secular temple that is The New York Times, columnist Maureen Dowd states: "(President Bush) is asking for a triple leap of faith. He has faith in Ms. Miers as his lawyer and as a woman who shares his faith. And we're expected to have faith in his faith and her faith that could change the balance of the court and affect women's rights for the next generation."

No such thing as a "secular temple."

Of course Ms. Dowd worships at the altar of Roe v. Wade, and any person who might be pro-life is automatically unsuitable in her mind to hold a decision-making position. But the truth is, Harriet Miers has not publicly stated her position on abortion and probably will never do so. Thus, Ms. Dowd is objecting to Ms. Miers because she attends an Evangelical Christian Church in Texas, and we can't have those kinds of people on the Court, can we?

Well, we can, but it's generally not the greatest idea. Let me put this in terms Bill would understand. Once the court criminalizes middle-eastern food fetishes, only criminals will have middle-eastern food fetishes.

Some liberal journalists and politicians are clearly saying conservative Christians need not apply to serve their country. This, of course, is outrageous and unconstitutional. If that kind of bias were directed at any other American group, there would be hell to pay. But Christians are fair game for media scorn, mockery and dismissal.

Help! Help! I'm being oppressed!

A recent Gallup survey puts the number of Americans who call themselves Christians at 84 percent, and that kind of majority is dangerous to the goals of the secular-progressive movement. The main opposition to things like gay marriage, euthanasia, legalized drugs and all kinds of abortion on demand for any girl or woman are faith-based people who form judgments about behavior and object to a society that does not. If you eliminate people of faith from positions of power in the USA, well, hello, Holland.

You say "Holland" like it's a bad thing.

It is worth noting that according to the American Society of Newspaper Editors, journalists are much less "Christian" than the country as a whole. A 1997 study says 59 percent of newspaper people call themselves Catholic or Protestant and 20 percent say they don't believe in God at all. According to Gallup, just 9 percent of the American population is atheist or agnostic.

Wait . . . I thought we were talking about Harriet Miers and her June Cleavery yumminess? Oh, right, everything boils down to the eeeevil secular press.

Mark my words, in the weeks to come, you will hear all kinds of anti-Christian stuff in the media when Harriet Miers is being discussed. Some of it will be subtle, but not all. This is a clip-and-save moment. The secular media knows Ms. Miers will be confirmed to the Supreme Court, but they will get their anti-Christian digs in during the process.

Mark my words? Who are you, an evil villain from a badly translated Finnish movie?

No, the press isn't going to get their "Anti-Christian" digs in during the process, they're going to call her for what she is- a woman with no judicial experience and a weirdly cozy relationship with James Dobson.

As a Christian, I have already forgiven my misguided peers for what they will inevitably do. Also, after 12 years of Catholic school, I know a thing or two about demons. The demonization of Harriet Miers will be very instructive to watch. And she looks like such a nice woman.

Aw, forgiveness. That's big of you, Bill. You want me to help you nail yourself to that big splintery cross? I have a few 10-inch nails and a ball peen hammer that would probably do the trick.

But I won't deny him that he probably knows a lot about demons . . . he works at Fox News, after all.

1 comment:

  1. ...and as a sexual harrasser who has settled out of court, it should be obvious i know a crapton about hypocrisy, so i am poised to deliver a sermon to you, the poorly informed and quickly to anger, about rightgeous conduct.