Monday, December 12, 2005

Truly an effed up song

Baby, It's Cold Outside

I really can't stay

I have to go now, really, gonna go out the door, get the car running, scrape the ice off . ..

Baby it's cold outside

Uh, yeah, I know.

I've got to go away

And I need to hit the grocery store, I'm all out of tylenol and bread . . .

Baby it's cold outside

Heard you the first time . . .

This evening has been
Been hoping that you'd drop in
So very nice

Um, I'll call you.

I'll hold your hands, they're just like ice
My mother will start to worry

Yeah, because of what happened last time, when I woke up in Tijuana with a quarter taped to my hand and my kindeys missing.

Beautiful, what's your hurry
My father will be pacing the floor
Listen to the fireplace roar

And my dad is really touchy about stuff since the whole illegitimate Filipino baby thing.

So really I'd better scurry
Beautiful, please don't hurry
Well Maybe just a half a drink more
Put some music on while I pour

Ah, fuck it, let's get stinko.

The neighbors might think
Baby, it's bad out there
Say, what's in this drink

WHOA, WHOA whoa. What's in this drink? Wait a second . . .

No cabs to be had out there
I wish I knew how
Your eyes are like starlight now
To break this spell

Hey, I gotta get to a hospital!! Now! Blacking out!

I'll take your hat, your hair looks swell
I ought to say no, no, no, sir
Mind if I move a little closer
At least I'm gonna say that I tried

I tried?! I'm trapped! Trapped like a rat!

What's the sense in hurting my pride
I really can't stay
Baby don't hold out
Ahh, but it's cold outside

His pride?! Girl, kick him in the nads and get outta there, now!

There's more, of course, but I heard this the other day on the radio and couldn't help but think of it in the frame of the postmodern world.


  1. I've always thought this song was a little suspect. But especially so now that I'm studying for my crim law final. Did you know that in PA, psychological, moral or intellectual force can suffice for rape as well as physical?

  2. How's life under the white flag going?

  3. Hooray! Dith is here, with a fresh bon mot from the salons! Oh, yes, dith, please engage our wits and our humour with your turn of the phrase! Dazzle us with your command of the magic of the English language.

    Oh ho ho, dith is here, to regale us with witticism and mirth!

  4. Dims choke out queef lies from their brute froth holes.

  5. Brilliant! Live from the Seattle Public Library, I bring you Dith, linguist to the stars.

  6. You've reached the big times. I doff my froth hole to you.

  7. The second best song about a pick up line. The first being George Straight's "The Chair."
    -John Gillnitz