Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Tuesday List: Sick of Pop Culture Edition

NAMES I'VE ADOPTED FOR MY BASIC CABLE NETWORKS:

1. TLC: The You Wanna See Something Really Fucked Up Channel
2. Lifetime Network: The Hapless Victims Network
3. Pax: The Chuck Norris and Bible Channel
4. VH1: You Can't Stop Watching Celebrities Buy Shit Central
5. The History Channel: The 24-Hour Hitler N' Aliens Network
6. Oxygen: The Ellen DeGeneres/"Mommy Dearest"/Old Lady Giving Sex Advice Channel
7. SciFi: Fun with D-Level Actors and Latex Makeup
8. Telemundo: The Channel That Shows Good Movies with Bad Dubbing
9. Public Access: The Channel That is Really Funny When You Are Drunk
10. MTV: The Channel that Yells At Me

9 comments:

  1. AdSwim on CN defies category.

    -Mr.M

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  2. LOLOL!! Having just started watching these stations on a friend's pirated satellite (shh, don't tell!)up here in Canadaland I absolutely agree.

    (It's funny - there's a pirate TV channel that shows up when you get Dish satellite services illegally. There are no pirates, though... just a guy with too-neat hair lecturing us on why we suck for stealing!)

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  3. You may be interested to know that SciFi have redeemed themselves slightly in recent times. Not by any of their originals, but by the fact they've bought up rights to the new series of a British TV show known for its D-list actors and latex makeup (but still quality entertainment), Doctor Who. Watch out for it on March 17.

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  4. That's funny - we call The History Channel "The Hitler Channel" here too. "All WWII, all the time."

    You may not have seen it before, but I think you forgot one. It's Noggin, the Reruns of Nick Jr. Network.

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  5. Right on re: the History Channel, although with Lifetime I've always gone with the "Puling, Estrogen-Enslaved, Not-Very-Bright Mothers of Molested and Developmentally Disabled Children" channel. But whatever works.

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  6. Ummm...

    I actually LIKE the SciFi Channel.

    I'd watch it all the time, except for that little detail regarding me nto having cable anymore.

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  7. There's always ESPN: The Sports Channel That Tries Its Damnedest To Make Sports Fans Hate Sports As Much As People Who Hate Sports.

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  8. Fox News - wtf? Channel
    E! - Joan River's Last Gasp At A Career Channel
    The WB - We're Cool! Really! We've Got Witches and Everything!

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