12 THINGS I LEARNED IN SAN FRANCISCO
1. According to a gay man, I was the cutest lesbian at this party. Too bad I'm straight.
2. You can get great bargains on accessories at Piedmont's, if you are willing to wade through marabou feather pasties and holographic panties.
3. Laurel Heights billionaire wives consign some really cute clothes for really cheap.
4. Watermelon Wheat beer is really, really good.
5. Beware of Chinese women who want to shove too-small jade bracelets onto your wrist. I still have bruises.
6. The Alcatraz self-guided tour is well worth the price of admission.
7. Bear Bars are recommended for their quality hot wings.
8. Sex shops in the Castro are notable for their truly stunning porn collections, in full display for windowshoppers.
9. The Muir Woods feel like a scene in Lord of the Rings.
10. Taking your indie-rock-lovin' boyfriend to Amoeba Records is like taking an ADD 7-year old to Chuckie Cheese.
11. If the stars are aligned just right, you might find yourself sipping a mojito in a bar in the Castro whilst listening to "It's Raining Men." I did.
12. Someone stole a guy's van in the Haight. Then, someone stole the guy's "stolen van" sign and gave it to me as a souvenir. But I'm not going to name names.