Tuesday, May 30, 2006

A double standard?

So here it is, week three of being single, and it's still a rollercoaster. But here's another problem- my little base of friends is also going to be less 2 girls for the next two years, leaving me with a condundrum. While I am still doing the work to widen my social circle here in Denver, in the meantime I face a lot of solo time. And I'm a girl. So this begs the question- when, if ever, is it OK for a girl to go to a bar alone?

I would have no trouble going to a show by myself- that is a different story. Rock shows are places where I'm bound to find at least one person I know, so it's more like I'm going to *meet* someone I know rather than going it completely alone . . . plus, with a band, it's like there's this other *objective* to the evening rather than just going to pass the time and pick up random guys.

I mean, upwardly mobile young women move to new cities all the time. There has to be that transitional period before we make new friends in which we are faced with spending time alone at home (boring) or going out (better). But going to a bar alone has this nasty stigma, not to mention a certain air of danger about it.

What to do . . .


  1. Empirically, there's nothing wrong with going to a bar alone. As your yourself pointed out, however, there is an element of danger involved. Some places will have a bouncer or a bartender walk you to your car if you ask.

    Beyond that, it depends on the climate of the bar in question. Your biggest annoyance is going to be getting approached by horny maladroits when all you want is to have a few drinks in peace. Avoid bars with that "single" vibe and it shouldn't be a problem.

    Unless you're looking for horny maladroits, in which case I suggest hanging out in Hooters.

  2. Empiracally, there were chemical, biological, and nuclear weapons in Iraq.

    Anytime you put attractive females (yes, you are attractive, dammit) into close proximity to males with alcohol on board, the situation is indeterminate in the extreme. Knowing you, there is no doubt that you can handle youself, exude confidence... Just choose your venues carfully, keep your sensors up, your back watched...

  3. There may a few bars in Austin where that wouldn't be a concern; I don't know how Denver plays out, but I don't have any particular reason to be optimistic.

    Also, I compliment anonymous' brave stand.

  4. Find a dance club where you can feel comfortable; maybe go with friends the first time or so. I highly recommend bars that cater to a mixed clientele (e.g., gay-friendly but not a gay bar)

    I did this for years, never had a problem except with horny guys I wasn't interested in. Girls sometimes asked me to dance, but that was OK by me, if they were softer butch or lipsticky.

    But I also ended up meeting ltr material at dance clubs, believe it or not.

    Do watch your drink, though, dear. And park as close as possible, if you aren't comfortable with the neighborhood.

  5. Or, I know this is going to sound strange, but you also might consider a dance club that caters to the BDSM crowd (look on their web sites for "fetish night."

    The reason I recommend these particular venues (gay-friendly, BDSM-friendly), is that stalking behavior doesn't tend to be tolerated. In BDSM circles, you don't touch others without their permission. I'm not saying you have to join the scene, just take advantage of the cultural norms, as far as being different (and more friendly towoards a woman on her own) from the kinds of bars where frat boys hang out.

  6. Oh, and did I mention - dance your ass off. Good for mental and physical health, and you also look more like someone out having fun (which you should be having if you are dancing) rather than someone looking to get picked up.

    Don't be afraid, though, to say "hi" to people, especially regulars, once you've been to a spot you feel comfortable a few times.

    Okay, enough of my clubbing advertisment. I could take you to a few in Seattle, though, where you could have plenty of good times :-).

  7. I would love to come to Seattle to see you!

    I'm feeling a bit better about all of this . . . as I'm heading to the HiDive solo tomorrow (but will probably see people there that I know). But yeah- it will be . . . interesting.

  8. The boys of eaod will be your date anytime...we don't look like much but we can drink and spell good...we ain't so much for conjugating but nobody's perfectly...